My shortened version,
"You create your own problems"
Roughly guessing about 70% of the problem was always in my approach to it. For example: I will realize that I am in a great mood therefore meaning any little mishap immediately following such a discovery will cause instant annoyance, which, if the problem remains unsolved for more than about--oh--five seconds, I go straight from fuming to being unable to say a proper sentence without cursing.
This is not effective. Not to mention such outbursts tend bother any other perfectly happy individuals who happen to be nearby. It also solves nothing, although the argument could be made that it allows you to vent frustration therefore clearing your head for a solution, I see it as a selfish outburst which only consumes time and energy.
But! to quote the average feel good modern-day teen, "Nobody's perfect". And this is the Piglet to your Winnie-the-Pooh mantra which you must take with you when dealing with your problems. But I digress.
The first thing you do is to put your problem momentarily to the side.
Don't quit yet! The problem will still be there waiting, I promise. Put it to the side and get comfy, bring your Piglet Mantra along, your about to get all Heart of Darkness on yourself. If you believe you know all your own barriers, think again, Barriers are not I repeat, NOT what other people say/think or what you believe they say/think about you. That is a problem, an issue, something you would like to solve.
Your barriers will be habits of thinking, qualities physical or mental (not superficial) which keep you from solving your problems. What other people do/think may cause you to feel, rotten and hollow to the core about yourself, but I try to ignore that. This is about you and your own betterment. I let others keep me from doing things, it is one of my barriers.
I let fear keep me from acting, I let it lock up my joints, paralyze my muscles, super-glue my feet on the wrong-side of its influence. This manifests as my ridiculous habit of timidity.
Impatience, arrogance, ignorance, needing to be right, the expectation of instantaneous gratification, indecisiveness, over-committing, under-committing, prioritizing, organizing, --I am so lazy (it is embarrassing)--, I despise confrontation, conflicts and arguments (so I end up getting walked over constantly), etc.
Recognizing your own faults is important. This will not only enable you to handle your problems better, it curbs that instinct to blame all your problems on other people and things. Sometimes other people are at fault but I find it important to identify all the ways in which I, ME, failed to be the best person I could be. You don't have to eliminate all your barriers right away, sometimes just recognizing that you are in your own way is extremely useful.
Now once you've compiled a list (I say list because I don't mind reading, feel free to use any old method of organizing you want, Cornell notes, post-its[LET THEM BURN!!!!], graffiti your bedroom wall with them, etc.) pick ONE thing too improve upon, one habit to tweak and turn more positive in your life.
In today's world only one habit can really fit into your schedule at a time. Devote your 100% anxiety to this one habit, or rather, devote 100% of your strong will (and we all have one) to improving your barrier. If you're feeling ambitious, can it.
Start small. An "I can't do it" mentality,.Not cussing at the door-jamb, wait a little longer before you start honking, anything. A small barrier, then you can work your way up.
My biggest problem- proper communication. I speak too softly, mumble, I'm told and I don't phrase my thoughts in a clear coherent way. I also don't hold eye contact for more than a few seconds. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul and I really don't want to peer in there, that stuff is scaaary! To be honest just meeting somebody's eyes is intensely uncomfortable for me.
So of course I try and do so every day now, until I get used to it (I say this everyday, it sucks).
Another barrier of mine is connecting with people. This stems from my major habit of fear. I'm fairly certain I have been socially aloof since about the third grade. I cannot remember why but ever since then I have paid off the mortgage on my turtle-shell home and even renovated the kitchen, trying to convince myself that this was okay.
Why did I think I was absolutely content with being silent and distant? To which my resident hermit countered, " Why are you trying to change now? What for? 'Per Chi? For whom?' "
Remember when you were little, in grade school little?
Remember, " When I grow up, I want to be a(n) [insert profession]."?
Do you realize what they were doing, those sneaky preschool baby sitters?
They were teaching us to envision ourselves in the future, teaching us to set goals. To think and consequently to move forward.
I wanted to change for me! I got tired of my perfect little bubble of self-seclusion, tired of secretly wanting to join in with the laughing and banter of the people around me and the constant wearying process of denying myself.
SO this is what I recommend. For the barrier identified figure out why exactly you want to tweak it. Say to yourself, " I want to be this person." Once you say that, once you even think it to yourself, he or she exists. "For real?" you ask. For real. What you have just done is opened a door for yourself. You didn't have to wait for some cosmic force to do it for you. The possibility now exists for you. You can even sign your name on his or her T-shirt.
Envision you in the future, free or even simply more free from your barrier. Imagine this future you, waiting patiently and happily for you in your future.
Now run to that person. Run like your Jesse Owens or if you prefer, like your Jesse Owens about to be mobbed by legions of the undead. Get through that door! QUICKLY!!.Before the zombies of self-doubt and low-esteem get you! Previously, I said no deadlines, but don't dawdle either. You only have as long as you are given and as you give yourself. Besides don't you want that problem solved soon?
And don't worry about that future you too much, he or she has a life of his or her own which he or she is busy living. He/she will--no doubt-- have changed by the time you arrive. What matters is that you've set off in a more positive direction.